Dating a young woman with kids
Here's what I do know: If I was dating someone, I would NOT be satisfied spending "quality time" with him every other weekend. That would be the only way to truly get to know him and develop a relationship and I don't believe it's different for the parent-child relationship. Here's what I don't want: a crazy ex-wife who makes my life a living hell, kids who resent me for being with their father (and therefore taking time, money and attention away from them), a husband who can't say 'no' because of the guilt he feels for the marriage not working out... And I totally understand that these are in no way a "given" or absolute.
It's probably even more exaggerated because kids (for the most part) yearn for their parents, no matter how crappy they are whereas an adult is more likely to make a decision to turn their attention elsewhere if their needs aren't being met. The only way though to guarantee that those things don't happen is to not marry someone who brings that with them. I had people say that I could be filtering out someone who is "perfect-perfect" for me simply by eliminating the guys with kids. But I don't believe that there is only one person on this planet for me.
hug, talk, cook dinner, help with homework, give baths, brush teeth, watch TV, play a game, etc.
Sure, it's mundane and not that flashy "quality time," but ultimately, quantity is the less memorable thing that, in reality, is more important. I want to see him every day and really be with him.
I'm not naive enough to make a hard and fast decision about something like that.
But if it came down to it, I think I'd rather date someone who had different religious beliefs, but was willing to go to church with me than date someone who has kids.
Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share. I have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama? And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit?
As the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’. But while it isn’t the ideal situation for some women, is dating a guy with a child really all that bad? It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. Having to deal with the ‘chile mudda’ may not be one’s cup of tea, but this is one of the things you may have to do while you’re dating your guy.
I've received a very mixed reaction to my decision not to go out on a second date with a seemingly good guy (and super cute! The first thing I should mention is that I love kids (at least the good ones! So my reason for not dating a guy with kids has nothing to do with disliking children. I think my decision to not date someone with kids . And I don't think it's wrong to be selfish about my husband and his time with me and our family.But while it isn’t the ideal situation for some women, is dating a guy with a child really all that bad? It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. Having to deal with the ‘chile mudda’ may not be one’s cup of tea, but this is one of the things you may have to do while you’re dating your guy. something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously.Having only exchanged brief, common courtesies via phone with my guy’s ex, I can say that it is necessary for you to be cordial in this situation, because you’ll be interacting with her child as well. Seeing a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates.I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. I remember thinking, “Please don’t cry if I hold your hand”. Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage? While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen.He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. While we look for stability in relationships, dating someone who has a child shouldn’t pose a threat.(I mean, if I was going to have to prioritize the deal breakers!I sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (GNO) one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed.Seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. It’s all about building that relationship on the basics, as you would any other, with love, trust, understanding, and commitment, among other things.Bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out.In my ideal world, I take a pass and cross my fingers.However, if I'm ever faced with it, I might have to reconsider at the time.: I don't want to marry someone with kids, but life is fluid and ever-changing.